Why I Hate Parent-Teacher Conferences & The First Report Card Day of the School Year

You know it is that time of the year when our motherly & fatherly friends are posting about the upcoming parent-teacher conferences at their child's school. Every year, it is nearly the same thing..."Oh, I'm so nervous."

Really? 

As soon as the nail-biting, nerve-wracking event is over, these same parents clog my Facebook feed with these splendid status updates about how great their conferences were, how wonderful their children are, and lets not forget all of the straight A's that their borderline Einstein child got.

I'm not a hater, really, I am not. But why does this bother me so much then? Why is it that I need to devote an entire blog post to this topic? Well, it's really simple. It's because chances are, I will never be able to post anything of the sort.

My daughter, she is 9 years old. We have had issues since she was little. She has Asperger's, bipolar disorder, ADHD, ODD, and when it comes to school, she just doesn't get it. She honestly does not understand the difference between addition and multiplication, her writing is illegible, she cannot spell no matter how many times you make her write her spelling words over and over or how many times to quiz her. I can give her all of the mnemonic devices in the world, and it still won't help her.

As you sit there, celebrating your child's successes, rewarding them for their straight As, I am looking at a report card that is full of F's and D's.

Do you know what it is like to sit outside of that classroom, where all of the children's artwork or projects are on display, but your child's is hidden, placed where no parent can see them. Only the nicest projects are placed where a parent may walk by and can see them. I still never found my daughter's on the board outside of the classroom during parent-teacher conferences.

I long for the day that I can sit in front of a teacher and hear how wonderful my child is. I mean, I get the standard "start off with a good thing about the child, then start with the negatives, but end with another positive", but my "negatives" are a lot more forthcoming and free-flowing than those positives.

I get shown her work, I hear about how she could do better. I get told that she is not on par with her peers, how her work is messy & sloppy. I hear about her behavior, which truly is no surprise to me as I often get emails or phone calls when the day was a total bust for her anyway.

I've debated posting a status to Facebook along the lines of, "Parent-teacher conferences went as expected. She still doesn't turn in her work and if she does, it is sloppy. It's no surprise that she got all F's & D's."

But then I wonder how many people would think I am some heartless mom, mean and ruthless? If I have to read about how wonderful everyone's children are, why can't I post about my child, who isn't perfect and may never be that straight A student?

I have to deal with the fact that every year is going to be challenge, that every year is going to bring up the same issues, over and over. Every year there will be some "plan" for success, and more than likely, every year she will struggle, have her projects hidden away from the "public" view, and every year I will hope that this will be the year, and things will be different.

Like I said, I really am not upset that you want to share your child's successes on Facebook. But just remember, there are parents out there, like myself, who would love to be able to do the same thing, but cannot, for whatever the reason. 

Now Here's An Idea, Parent Your Children!

I fully expect this post to become quite controversial, and probably a bit long as I find myself with a lot to say on this topic If for nobody else, this is for me and quite frankly, if you decide that you would like to argue with me or throw some of the research from the books you read by some cracker jack, please refrain as I will not be humoring your comments.

There is a problem with children and there is a simple solution to it all...Parent your damn children!

Oh wait, that's right, you want to throw in about how special your child is right? About all of the disorders that they have. Well guess what? My daughter has Asperger syndrome, ADHD (or is it ADD nowadays), Bipolar disorder, ODD, and who knows what else. She's a mess, but I will not humor you with the videos of her trashing her bedroom, damaging the walls, scratching her arms, yelling and screaming how much she hates me and everything else in the world and how we all hate
her. Then let me also throw in the other two children in the house that have their own "stuff" as well going on.

I am so tired of the mentality of the children nowadays. I look at the three older ones in this household and cringe. The children here have it made...they don't have chores because they refuse to do them. They won't do anything that you ask them to because they require X,Y,Z in return for doing a simple task that is not even worthy of reward. They expect everything and often compare their own "terrible lives" to that of their friends.

Oh yes, the children have friends that are allowed to do anything they want, whenever they want. They don't have chores, they are allowed to eat and drink what they want, when they want it, they can swear and speak to their parents as they wish, they can run around town when they want, and they are allowed to play video games all day, every day.

I'm not sure who these parents are, but I really would love to punch them in their faces (if they even happen to exist). I can say that the children are the problem, but the truth is, they are but part of the problem is YOU.

Yup, I called you out. What good are you doing by being your child's friend? It's getting you really far isn't it? Oh, your kids feel comfortable talking to you, you say? No, your kids feed into your BS, are calling your bluff, and taking advantage of your "kindness." Thanks for giving your children whatever they want, because what are you teaching them? That's right, that mommy and/or daddy will be there to bail their butts out whenever they need it.

Then we are bombarded with these statements about how kids have no work ethic, or they are lazy, and you have to do everything around the house. On top of that, because you let them run freely, refuse to give them consequences for their actions, they walk all over whomever they want, whenever they want.

Think I am lying? Let me tell you all of the times I am called names, and not nice names, but profane names. Let me tell you about how I get ignored, yelled at, told I am hated, threatened to be killed, a psycho.

And why? All because being your child's friend was more important. Because not instilling respect or any type of work ethic in these children were just not important. Because these children get handed everything they want and then when things change, they rebel. All because YOU have allowed your children to have free roam of your household, of their grandparents household, other family member's households.

You created this mess, a parent, thinking you were doing what was best for your child.

As a child, if I ever threatened to call the police on my parents, I would've gotten my butt spanked. If I was outside and one of the neighbor's saw me doing something that was naughty, I got in trouble by them and then once I got home, I got into trouble by my mother, and if it was really bad, once my dad got home, I was in even more trouble.

I didn't get money freely just because I wanted to get something. I had chores that I was expected to do and I darn well better have had them done. Sit around any play video games all day? I didn't do that either. I had a Nintendo & I had a PS One in my bedroom, at my disposal, 24/7 and you know what? I didn't sit down all day every day and play. In fact, I did my homework and found something else to do, especially when sports wasn't going at school.

I remember one time I called my mom something, it was bad and I don't remember what it was, but she came right after my butt and had me cornered in the bathroom. She went to spank my butt and I ducked and she hit the wall and I took off. Let me tell you, I got it good that time, for both calling her a name and making her hurt her hand.

Now before you get your panties in a twist, listen up, I am not telling you to beat your children or spank them. This is not the point of my message. My point is this, I knew my place as a child, I respected the elders and my parents. I knew what was expected of me and I knew exactly what would happen if I didn't comply with their simple requests (and yes, they were quite simple, such as, do your homework, do your chores, clean your room).

Think about it...and think really hard. What good are you doing your children when you hand them whatever they want. What good are you teaching your children when you allow them to curse at you, call you names, and do as they please. What are you teaching your children when you allow them to treat your spouse, your partner, like a piece of crap, yelling at them in front of you while you sit idly, doing nothing about it.

What are you teaching your children when you give them that cell phone, that video game system, that computer, laptop, ipod, iphone, ipad, and you expect nothing from them in return?

I'll tell you what you are doing, you are setting them up to fail in life. You're preparing yourself to be stuck with them, living in your basement when they are in their 20s, 30s, 40s.

So just think about it.

Bacon & Egg Toast Cups

So apparently, it is required for you to feed your children when they are hungry and quite frankly I was tired of the cereal binge that seems to occur in this house. I decided that I probably should assume some type of motherly duties and feed the children, which always can go one of two ways...good or bad. Trying to recollect how well it went last time, I decided to make these bacon, egg, and toast cups for the children, as last time they were gobbled up and there was nothing left for me to consume...(oh the the fruits of my labor). I also was unable to get any pictures of said goodies because my camera was dead.

So I decided to do another trial of these goodies for breakfast. My result...this:

I'm not sure if I was more pleased with the outcome of the food or the picture... But alas, it was quite simple to make and I took the wonderful recipe that came from The Noshery, and adapted it to my own the kids' likings. Plus, I haven't quite seen any pictures of scrambled eggs being used, so I thought it would be nice for everyone trying to figure out what it would look like & if it would work.

So first thing first...my ingredients:

• Muffin pan
• A glass (that you drink out of)
• Basting brush
• Pam cooking spray
• Bread (I needed 12 slices)
• Maple Syrup
• Cheddar jack shredded cheese
• Eggs (I used 8 eggs)
• Oscar Meyer Real Bacon Pieces (not the bits)

Discpline for Kids Who Refuse to be Discplined

I am sure that many of you read the title and thought to yourself, there isn't a child who can ever refuse to be disciplined because you're the parent, yada yada yada. Well, you can come and live at my house and your tune will change rather quickly.

Yes, I live in a home where 3 out of the 4 children are bad kids. Bad how you ask? They are rude, ignorant, disrespectful, hurtful, spiteful, mean, lazy, rude, and they lack appropriate manners. Oh wait, I am sure you are once again thinking, "Well, that's your fault, those types of behaviors / attitudes / etc are supposed to be instilled by you because you are the parent." Nice try, but unfortunately it doesn't quite work that way.

Firstly, we are a blended family. It's a his, mine, ours setup. He has his two boys, I have my daughter, and we have a 2-year old together. So of course, there is a lot of opposition already. Secondly, the kids (minus ours), all are "special" and by special, I mean that we have hit the jackpot of mental illnesses / behavioral problems, etc. Thirdly, past experiences and situations while three of the children were young have really shaped them into who they are as well as their behaviors & attitudes. When done at a young age, it is hard to reverse the "damage" that was done.

I don't make excuses, but I will offer a very quick bit of advice, when something happens to your children or they have to go through something terrible & messy, like a divorce for example, the worst thing that you can do for them is spoil them, excuse their behavior as being the result of the divorce, and let them get away with murder. I tell you this now to save you a lot of agony and strife later. Do not spoil your children with material things thinking that this is your way of apologizing for whatever event happened. This is not what children need. Do not be their best friend either, you are not there to be your child's friend, you are there to be their parents. Of course you want them to respect you and to come to you with things, problems, issues, or whatever, but when they think of you as a buddy, then you lose that respect and your life will become miserable.

In this household, the children get crummy grades, they have no responsibility, they have no work ethic, and no respect. I can ask them to do something until I am blue in the face and it is met with hostility, resentment, and laziness. And don't give me that, "you can reward them" nonsense. We've been there, done that, and epically failed. We have encouraged good grades by offering incentives as well, FAIL-DOZER (beep beep).

Nothing works in this house. So you can only imagine that it is filled with stress, lots & lots of it.

So where am I going with this? I don't know, it was all planned out in my head, but it soon took flight. But tonight, there was an incident with one of the children & it involved baby gates getting knocked over and using one's foot instead of their hands to pick it up. I asked once for him not to use his foot, he used his foot anyways, and this repeated for a few minutes until after knocking the gates over and having to pick them up, he finally got it (or was sick of looking at me). Then said heathen child wanted to stomp around like a jerk out of being angry. So he found himself putting on his shoes & coat and then began stomping outside. Of course at first he didn't want to stomp, he wanted to march, so we had to wait until he was stomping like he did in my house in order to start the one minute timer.

Unconventional, surely. But I will tell you this, I have been through plenty of the behavioral management stuff. The 1-2-3 Magic is nonsense, time outs are pointless, taking away privileges, whatever. It does not work in this house. Therapy, medications...been there & do it all, only to end up in the same situation every day.

It's insanity, it really is. It gets tiring & boring & beyond stressful. Oh and please, I don't need to hear "the kids have issues, they need to be dealt with differently" because that is a total crock. The kids have zero when it comes to any type of morality, ethic, etc. I try to enforce it and make them realize that they are making poor choices, lay out what the consequences will be, yet they seem to think I am stupid.

But of course, we are always met with "that isn't fair" & "my friends don't have to do ZYX" & "you treat me like a baby". Of course I treat you like a baby, because you cannot show that you have any sense of responsibility or consideration in attempting tasks/chores/behaviors that prove otherwise.

However, you must be thinking...she didn't mention Pinterest this time, what is going on? Well, never fear. I found this resource that I shall be employing in this household, from Pinterest. It is called 21 Creative Consequences. It it supposed to be directed toward Tweens, however a lot of the methods & suggestions apply to younger children as well.

Like I said, I am not messing around. The disrespect for me is going to stop and not listening to anything I say is going to stop. Now usually this is not an issue for Richie, as the kids will usually do what he says without much of an issue, but for me, pshaw. They need to learn that I am not acting like a psycho because I think it is fun, but because I am trying very hard to instill some important things into them, like taking pride in one's work, some sort of work ethic, respectfulness, and making good choices.

Who knows where this shall lead, but I am glad that I finally stumbled upon some discipline tips that are different from the traditional